Games

Sometimes I wish I could get paid to review games. There's something about the art behind a game that really pulls at my core being. That's why, when I see a game that has a lot of artistic value, I tend to almost lust for it.

Back in 2002 or 2003, I forget which, I met a little game called World of Warcraft. I was one of the lucky few that got to participate in their Friends and Family Alpha program so I helped the developers by finding bugs and trying to break their game apart. I was so smitten with it's artistic style that I played it all the way up until earlier this year. I shelled money out to Blizzard Entertainment, 15 bucks a month, for years.

I don't regret it one bit.

I DO however, regret the time I spent basically doing nothing in the game. But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the artistic value of games.

I have happened upon a trailer that has drawn my attention. Games come and games go. The artistry behind a game loses it's value over time, and this will happen to most games. Some games, however, stand up against time and prove that artistry can carry a game into old age. This game I've stumbled upon looks to be a hot little title and it's artistic values all seem to be in the right places. It's possible, that if it is executed properly, that this could be a piece of art that stands the test of time.

This game is Muramasa: The Demon Blade for the Wii. (Luckily, I own a Wii)

This is a link to their site where the trailer is:



This game looks like a traditional side-scrolling slash-em-up but done in a very unique style and with a very strong art stylization. There are 2 other videos at their site that show off some gameplay versus regular enemies and versus a boss monster.

Not only does this game have a very strong sense of style, it looks like it has the deep visceral type of action that I absolutely love in my video games. It's one of the reasons I'm a huge fan of Prototype. The sheer ability to overpower opponents is very attractive to me and to a lot of other gamers. It's one of the reasons we try to figure out the best combos and play games that let us upgrade our characters and their gear. We have a deep seated need to obliterate the competition. Muramasa looks like it definitely feeds this need that gamers have.

Any game that allows you to do a combo on a boss for over 250 hits (check out the boss video) really deserves a look just for that.

I cannot wait to get my hands on this game. I only wish that I was a game reviewer so that I could get an early copy to test and rate.

Expect a review on it whenever I can get in touch with it.

Reviews on games I have currently are coming soon.
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Man Tips!

How to keep your woman from asking that you comment on her blog ever again!

Step 1: find a post of hers you want to sully

Step 2: Post a comment

Step 3: Go and pester her until she responds to your comment

Step 4: Reply to her response.

Step 5: GOTO 3

When she's sick of it, she'll let you know. lol. Stink it up really bad.

Example:

http://www.ordinaryandawesome.com/2009/08/names-names-names.html

And there you have it. Easy to cook, easy to eat. Gusteau's makes Chinese food... Chineasy!

Oh man, I messed up my quote.
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Some return huh? + House of Wax

So yeah, I suppose I didn't return right away. Moving sucks!



Anyway... AWAY WE GO!

So I've watched two totally horrid movies recently, and I decided to do a Crappy Movies Galore post on House of Wax, starring Dean and Tristan from The Gilmore Girls, Kim Bauer from 24, Zack Fischer from Boston Public, a Token Black Guy, and Haris Pilton... Flaris Jilton... some stupid slut.

Partial summary from IMDB:

"Six friends are on their way to a football game. They decide to camp out for the night and continue driving the next day. The next day the friends find that their having car troubles, so two of the friends accept a strangers ride into a small town named Ambrose. The main attraction in Ambrose is the House of Wax. Except something is not right in this town the wax figures are so realistic and the whole town is deserted- except for two murderous twin brothers. The six friends must fight to survive and escape from being the next exhibits in the House of Wax." link

What a freaking snore-fest, at least for the first 3/4 of the movie or so. Hairy Pits-ton shows exactly why she's not an actress. After watching her in this horrible piece of crap I'm glad she just parties and keeps her damn trap shut.

----------------------------

The movie starts out with very little backstory on our heroes, as they reveal it throughout the film. It starts nice and slowly, setting up why exactly 6 teens would be out in the middle of nowhere (wow, a football game, how original)

Anyway, the entire movie was a waste of time. There's a little bit of gore, one genuinely creepy stairway and that's about it. I'm going to post some pictures with some blurbs, but I can't see how I can ever get my time back that I wasted on this movie.

If you suffer from vertigo, you might not want to watch this movie. The director used WAY too many sweeping overhead shots.

Watch for deadpan lines with no acting from the skanky blonde, they're dangerous.

I'm trying to not spoil any death scenes or any of the true gore, though I would have to say there isn't much. Note that there's WAY more shit going on in this movie than I'm showing with these few pics.

We now join our 6 teens, out in the middle of nowhere on their way to an undetermined "football game". They decide to take a shortcut and then camp out. Paris acts like a slut... shocker, I know.

Foreshadowing mode: on.



"Oh look honey, they've got free children! Let's pick one up"



"HEY! Elton John Says No Flash Photography!"



"Oh GOD Paris! Is that your acting I smell?"



"Oh crap, is Paris acting again?!



"I'm leaving you for the hick..."



"Hey, how many of you hicks are there in this hick town?"

"Like two... hundred! Two hundred! Yeah, that's it!"

This sign is shown several times throughout the movie, because they wanted to leave reminders for Paris Hilton's fans about the name of the movie. Seriously, if you're dumb enough to pay theater prices to see a movie with Paris Hilton in it, then you NEED the reminder.



"What's this place called again?!"

Our intrepid bf/gf team are exploring the "house of wax" which is LITERAL and there's a lot of creepy wax stuff in there, including a wax doggie.



"I'm not wax you jerk! ARF!"

Dean thinks it's all a huge joke.



"Duuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

The girl figures out this guy's been stalking them! Oh noes!



"You gonna git it li'l lady!"

Panoramic view = fail



So... lonely! So lonely! So lonely and feeling alone!


Dean might just be the first to go:



"Man, braces sure have gotten complicated..."

Yet another horrid camera angle.



"Vertigo chase scene! *Blarf*"

The girl is captured and held hostage in a basement. She's trying to signal her brother and fails.



"Here little finger! Snip, snip! Time to go fishing!"

Here is the creepy stairwell.



"Agh! You tripped me!"

Token Black Guy and Blonde Bimbo are next up on the chopping block, after a clothes-on non-sex scene.

Token Black Guy dies and the Blond Eggshell runs around trying to escape the killer.



"Here Paris! Catch this spear (sharp pipe)!"

After some crazy chasing and ALMOST tense scenes, our living teens attempt to get away from the Super Nutsio Bros. and end up setting the house made out of wax on FIRE! Now that's what I call Firony.



"Augh! Run! Everything's on FIRE!"

And so the teens make it out THROUGH THE WALL and then end up at the "House of Wax" sign on the house again, just in case you forgot what the movie was named.



"So you say your four friends got killded?"

And so our movie comes to an end with the tiniest twist ending EVER! M. Night Shyamalan would turn over in his grave. What's that you say? He's not dead? Well crap.

Someone give me back this 2 hours of my life please!
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Flee Mortals, for I Have Returned...eth

I'm back, I'm bearded, and I'm bolder than ever.

I'll be posting a new post of postyness soon. Keep POSTED. HAH!

/FacePalm

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The Responsibility Project and the link with the FTC.

So Liberty Mutual is essentially calling out everyone, not really just bloggers (but bloggers are a huge means to their end), and trying to get people to "do the right thing".

This is drawing interesting parallels with what the FTC (Federal Trade Commission) wants bloggers to do. More on that in a second.

Liberty Mutual wants bloggers to be responsible and do the "right thing" but there is no legal obligation tied to it. People are going to say what they want, and I think that as long as they are true to themselves and speak in their blog the way they speak at home, they are blogging responsibly. If people don't like what they say, they'll go somewhere else. I do NOT think, however, that someone who is blogging and lying about who they are and how they think is being responsible. But that's the problem with the responsibility project: Freedom of Speech will enter it. Everyone has their own view of what is responsible and they will follow that.

Now then, what the FTC is doing DOES have legal obligations put into it. Bloggers are doing a lot of reviews and a lot of give-aways. With reviewing we have to look at it this way. Reviews are a sort of viral advertising. We put out an opinion on a product and then a bunch of people see it and go hmm, i like/dislike/don't care about this product. All this costs the company is the product itself. Now here is where bloggers are getting tripped up and freaking out.

The FTC doesn't care that we got something for free. They have stated this. What they DO want us to do, is report in the review that we received the product for free. This is called "truth in advertising" and it's a legal obligation for all advertisers. All that fine print at the bottom of any ad on tv you see is part of Truth in Advertising and they HAVE to put that info on there.

The FTC just wants bloggers to do the same. So why not do the fine print route? Put something in small text or have some sort of button linking to your fine print. Say something like, "Reviews here was based on a products that were received for free solely for the purposes of reviewing" and make it sound all legal-ese. Something! It really only makes sense.

So following the FTC might fall in line with Liberty Mutual's "Responsibility Project" but they are in no way tied together. But Truth in Advertising is definitely the right thing to do. Every other advertiser has to do it, bloggers should too really. Just don't force us too quickly or some people might stop blogging, and we don't need that.

What we do need, is truth in our reviews though. These companies have to understand that if we must follow the truth in advertising rules, we are going to review products HONESTLY. If we don't like the product, they are going to get some bad press. And at that point, tough shit. Any company needs to understand that they may or may not get bad press from any reviewer, not just a blog reviewer. But they should have the peace of mind that we will have our truth in advertising in place.

So why not put simple small text lines or a button linking to your policy as a reviewer at the end of our reviews? Something to let your readers know that you have standards, good ethics, and are a credible and honest reviewer? What's a couple of more seconds off your day?

It's worth it.

Websites of Interest:

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,512457,00.html
http://www.walletblog.com/2009/07/ftc-to-regulate-blog-endorsements/
http://www.responsibilityproject.com/

My fiancee does this now. She has an Ethical Blogger badge linking to her agreement to be an ethical blogger and review policy at the bottom of every review post. She is at:

http://www.reviewsandgiveaways.com/
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The Vegetari-MAN Cookbook: Recipe 1

The Vegetari-MAN Cookbook.

Background: I am bloodtype A-, and A blood types are notorious for needing to be mostly vegetarian. I still ADORE and EAT and ENJOY slaughtered animal flesh, but in an effort to prevent the need for antacids and gastric trouble I am converting myself to vegetarianism at dinner and breakfast. It seems that I can have an ENORMOUS STEAK IN ONE BITE during lunch and be fine, but if I eat meat at dinner or breakfast, I typically end up paying for it (and so does everyone else in a 3 mile radius). However, I am going to up the MANLINESS of vegetarian dishes. My beard demands it, and it is the source of my power, so I am compelled to listen.


The Vegetari-MAN Cookbook: Recipe 1. Cucumber Volcano Sandwiches

What's more MANLY than jumping into an active volcano? NOTHING! However, REAL MEN KNOW NOT TO DIE, so I am going to teach you the next best thing. The only thing these sandwiches are going to kill are your TASTE BUDS through sheer AWESOMENESS.

"Oh look, it's tea time with the Queen!" That is NOT what these cucumber sandwiches are. These are cucumber sandwiches that are AWESOME and MANLY.

Key #1 to keep it MANLY: Do NOT cut off the crusts. Crust-less bread is for kids and women. NO MAN EATS BREAD WITHOUT CRUST.

Key #2 to keep it MANLY: Do NOT use more spice than you can handle. It is NOT manly to offer too many sacrifices to the porcelain gods. Only those without self-control would put themselves in that position.

Key #3 to keep it MANLY: Too many steps make it less MANLY. We are MEN and COOKS, not some little frou-frou chef that has to make a 35 ingredient sauce to put on eggs. LESS STEPS = MORE MANLY. Math never lies.

Recipe:

BREAD

GIANT CUCUMBERS (at least 1.5 inches in girth and/or more than 6 inches long for ease of preperation)

WHIPPED CREAM CHEESE

1 PACKET OF ITALIAN DRESSING MIX OR 1 PACKET OF RANCH DIP MIX

CAYENNE PEPPER

THE BIGGEST KNIFE YOU HAVE AND A CLEAVER WOULD BE BETTER

CUTTING BOARD OR COUNTER TOP

Steps:

1) Peel the GIANT CUCUMBER or don't, it's your choice. I hate the taste of wax, as should all MEN. WAX keeps you from OBLITERATING AND ABSORBING ENERGY FROM YOUR FOOD, so I don't really want that swishing around in my plumbing.

2) Cut the GIANT CUCUMBER in half lengthwise then make slices out of it. I choose to make my slices of GIANT CUCUMBER about half an inch thick. Make them as thick as you want or think they need to be, but if the sandwich doesn't fit in your mouth, it's not a compressible sandwich, so you're fucked. MEN ARE SMART, so keep it edible.

3) Let the GIANT CUCUMBER slices dry on a paper towel and then mix the ITALIAN DRESSING MIX into the WHIPPED CREAM CHEESE.

4) SLATHER both slices of the bread with the ITALIAN WHIPPED CREAM CHEESE for each sandwich.

5) Put as much CAYENNE PEPPER on both sides as you can handle. Remember not to destroy your plumbing.

6) SLAM the GIANT CUCUMBER slices onto the bread and SMASH the sandwich together. Fill the sandwich with the slices. SLAMMING the sandwich makes the cream cheese hold fast to the GIANT CUCUMBER slices.

7) CONSUME YOUR SANDWICH. MASTICATE IT AS MUCH AS YOU WANT THEN DIGEST.

These are the MANLIEST cucumber sandwiches in EXISTENCE. TRY THEM! Put HAM on the sandwiches if you are more of a meat eater. I'm going to do that for lunch one day.

Vegetari-MAN out! /FLEX
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My random journey that brought me to the Vocaloid Fields of Awesome

What the EFF is a Vocaloid you ask?

What's with the language? Jeez.

Anyway: A Vocaloid is essentially a singing synthesizer that was developed in Japan by the Yamaha corporation. Their new version, Vocaloid 2, can actually support voice samples, so you can have a synthesizer that sings with a certain eerie, chilling, soul-less perfection. Sort of like the singing A.I. in Macross Plus (EV, you'll know what I mean, so will any other anime dork).

Warning: This is a LONG post with lots of videos. You should watch them if you can handle it. If you do it will take quite some time.

I'll talk about Vocaloids in more detail in a minute. This is sort of a two part post. The first part is my ABSOLUTELY RANDOM journey that actually brought me to the Fields of Vocaloid-halla.

I was on You're The Man Now Dog dot com as I am often wont to do. I was wondering what the crap the song on THIS page was. (click on it. it's cool and addicting)

So I went to my old friend and mentor YouTube. Wait, YouTube isn't a dude. Damn.

Anyway, I looked up Loituma as that was the only word I had to follow and it turns out Loituma is a Finnish singing group and the song is "Eva's Polka". Everyone just calls the song Loituma though.

Here is the Incredibly Epic Official Video:



Remind you of anything?


Jim Carrey - What is Love - Original Version - For more amazing video clips, click here

And this led me to the techno version:



Which then led me to this little gem of randomness:



I'm a HUGE fan of leeks for some reason, so this piqued my interest (the facial expressions are crazy). The previous video led me to this insanity (thank you YouTube Japan):



At this point I HAD to figure out who this singer was and I noticed (2 videos up) in the comments that it was a Vocaloid named Hatsune Miku. So I went out and looked up what Vocaloid was and learned quite a bit.

I learned that the first truly voiced Vocaloid in the Vocaloid 2 system was Hatsune Miku. (Keep in mind that the Japanese are all about these new "idols" and the vocaloid community has drawn them up and created very intricate backstories for them all that I won't go into here. I'm just going to list the ones that have really impressed me.)

PLEASE keep in mind that these vocaloids are mostly singing in Japanese and in the J-pop style. I will warn when their voice is too sharp or anything. Also they are typically anime styled (except for the english speaking ones for some reason). I will be posting videos with English translations in subtitle when I am able to.

protip: Japanese names are typically last name first then given name.

Hatsune Miku is well voiced and sound quite a bit like a real 16 year old singer. (her avatar is supposedly 16)

Here's a song from her immense portfolio. Many people make many songs with each vocaloid and Miku is the first and most popular. Warning: sharp voice.



After they created Miku, they went on to create Kagamine Rin and Kagamine Len who are a brother and sister duo. They were designed to compliment each other but Len, the brother, tends to compliment all female vocaloids. Also Rin and Len are a parody of Left and Right, which they are supposed to represent (as far as I understand).

Here is a song by Len, and it is one of my favorites. After it I will post the same song sung by a real person so you can compare/contrast. Len has a very robotic-sounding voice, but in this song they also applied some filters over top to make it old-radio crackly sounding.



Human version by Choucho who is a female Japanese singer. This was made after the original song above, so the song is credited to the vocaloid and writer who used it. (these things work out semi-strangely)



So Rin is Len's twin sister and has a fairly haunting voice, even though it can get a little sharp. Most people can't use her synth properly so it's hard to find a good song. This one really struck a chord with me for some reason. Of course the lyrics in English look a little weird, but it's a nice, dark song.



Now we come to two English speaking Vocaloids. Sweet Ann is up first. The vocals are very good if the artist can sync them up properly.



Also speaking English and with the same song is Megurine Luka (Scarborough Fair is a great song). Notice how the art styling on Ann and Luka is different from the Japanese speaking Vocaloids. Again it's hard to find properly synced vocals for her. The problem with Vocaloids is they are programmed syllable by syllable, so you can get some pretty choppy voices out of them if you don't know what you are doing.

Luka is actually a dual-voice Vocaloid. She does both Japanese and English. I will post a second song by her after Scarborough Fair. You might notice some differences in design from her English version to her Japanese version.





Next up is the most recent Vocaloid, as in, released in late June of '09. Her name is Megpoid (strange) and she probably is the most refined of ALL the Vocaloids. Her voice is smooth enough to sound nearly real and her Engrish is very good (not a typo, go to http://www.engrish.com some time.) Anyway, if Megpoid is any indication of where the Vocaloids are going quality-wise I think we're in for a shocker when we finally see the first A.I. singer ever.



Now for one of the couple of other male Vocaloids, I don't like the males much besides Len. This guy is named Gackpoid or Gakupo and he is apparently a samurai. His voice is very good (the samples were recorded from the Japanese singer Gackt, a big star over there) but still isn't quite as high quality as most of the female vocaloids and a tiny bit choppy.



So that's it for my main points about vocaloids. They're an incredibly interesting step in the right direction I think. You can get so much range and perfection out of a synthesized voice. Though they sound a little... soul-less. I don't believe they'll ever take over the music world, but they'll end up with a place in it.

Ok, now for some Vocaloid Randomness. Most of these are either game related or silly. You don't have to listen/watch these if you don't want to :P

Pengo Out!






BEGIN LOITUMA OVERLOAD PROGRAM:

START:

RUN>










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